1. It has been a while since I got to be copulative. You?We've been over this. We're just friends. This, of course, means that I can only tolerate you on a physically and emotionally superficial level, which is why most of our communication is via the internet. This way when I talk to you, I can talk to other people for whom I have feelings other than pity. Furthermore, I can pretend you're mildly intelligent because the internet allows you to look up terms you don't understand.
And despite the face that "the depths of [my] pettiness never cease to amaze [you]" (which doesn't surprise me - shiny surfaces never cease to amaze you), you should know that your grammatic relabelling is only contrary to mine in regards to "fight'n'", and it is incorrect. It's not a copulative adjective, but since I know how the word excites you, I'll let it slide.